Liza With a Z

(musicians tuning instruments) (people chattering) (Liza laughs) ♪ ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Liza Minnelli.

♪ (audience applauding) ♪ (Liza chuckles) (audience applauding) LIZA: Yes.

(chuckles) (audience applauding) ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ Life keeps happenin'’ everyday ♪ ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ When opportunity comes your way ♪ ♪ You can'’t start wonderin'’ what to say ♪ ♪ You'’ll never win if you never play ♪ ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ There'’s mink and marigolds right outside ♪ ♪ And warm white Cadillacs you can ride ♪ ♪ Nothin'’s gained if there'’s nothin'’ tried ♪ ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ Don'’t say why ♪ ♪ Say ♪ ♪ Why not ♪ ♪ What lies beyond what is ♪ ♪ Is not ♪ ♪ So what ♪ ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ Yes, I can ♪ ♪ Yes, I will ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll take a sip ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll touch ♪ ♪ Yes, of course ♪ ♪ Yes, how nice ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll happily, thank you very much ♪ ♪ Yes ♪ ♪ Oh, yes ♪ ♪ Yes.

♪ ♪ There'’s lots of chaff ♪ ♪ But there'’s lots of wheat ♪ ♪ Yes ♪ ♪ You might get mugged as you walk the streets ♪ ♪ But on the other hand you might greet ♪ ♪ That handsome stranger you'’ve longed to meet ♪ ♪ Say yes ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll look ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll walk ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’d love to do such and such ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll try ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll dare ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll fly ♪ ♪ Yes, I'’ll share ♪ ♪ And yes, I am ♪ ♪ And yes, I'’ll be ♪ ♪ And yes, I'’ll go ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Yes ♪ ♪ Yes ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ Them that'’s got shall get ♪ ♪ Them that'’s not shall lose ♪ ♪ So the Bible says ♪ ♪ And it still is news ♪ ♪ Mama may have ♪ ♪ And Papa may have ♪ ♪ But God bless the child that'’s got his own ♪ ♪ And the strong get more ♪ ♪ While the weak ones fade ♪ ♪ Empty pockets don'’t ever make the grade ♪ ♪ Mama may have ♪ ♪ And Papa may have ♪ ♪ But God bless the child that'’s got his own ♪ ♪ That'’s got his own ♪ ♪ And when you got money ♪ ♪ You got lots of friends ♪ ♪ All hangin'’ '’round your door ♪ ♪ But when the money'’s gone ♪ ♪ And all your spendin'’ ends ♪ ♪ They won'’t hang around anymore ♪ ♪ Rich relations may give you ♪ ♪ A crust of bread and such ♪ ♪ Say and help, go on ♪ ♪ Help yourself ♪ ♪ But don'’t take too much ♪ ♪ Mama may have ♪ ♪ And Papa may have ♪ ♪ But God bless the child that'’s got his own ♪ ♪ That'’s got his own ♪ ♪ That'’s got his own ♪ ♪ Mama may have ♪ ♪ And Papa may have ♪ ♪ But God bless the child who can stand up and say ♪ ♪ He'’s got his ♪ ♪ Own ♪ (audience applauding) LIZA: Oh, you'’re terrific.

Thank you.

(audience applauding) (Liza chuckles) Thank you very much.

(audience applauding) You'’re really terrific!

(audience laughing) And seeing how you are, can I tell you something?

I have a problem.

You know, it'’s not a big problem, but it is a problem.

It'’s my name.

You know, I find it still a lot of people call me Lisa.

♪ Wrong ♪ (audience laughing) My name is Liza.

Liza.

Has a Z in it.

Well, for instance, somebody will come up to me on the street and say, "Hello, Lisa, how are you?"

I'’ll say, "Fine, thank you, but it'’s Liza."

Or somebody will say, "Lisa, what a nice hat you have on!"

I'’ll say, "Thank you very much, but my name is Liza, "and that'’s my hair."

(audience laughing) So you can see what I mean.

Anyway, I'’ve been trying to figure out a final solution to this whole thing, and I think I'’ve come up with the answer.

Jack.

♪ Now listen.

♪ It'’s Liza with a Z, not Lisa with an S ♪ ♪ '’Cause Lisa with an S goes sss not zzz ♪ ♪ It'’s Z instead of S ♪ ♪ Ly instead of Lee ♪ ♪ Simple as can be ♪ ♪ See, Liza ♪ I'’ll do it again.

♪ It'’s Liza with a Z not Lisa with an S ♪ ♪ '’Cause Lisa with an S goes sss not zzz ♪ ♪ It'’s Z instead of S ♪ ♪ Ly instead of Lee ♪ ♪ Simple as can be ♪ ♪ See, Liza ♪ ♪ Now, if my name were Ada, I'’d be Ada ♪ ♪ Even backwards I'’d be Ada ♪ ♪ Or if my name were Ruth then I'’d be Ruth ♪ ♪ Because with Ruth what can you do ♪ ♪ Or Sally, or Margaret, or Ginger, or Faye ♪ ♪ But when you'’re a Liza you always have to say ♪ ♪ It'’s Liza with a Z not Lisa with an S ♪ ♪ '’Cause Lisa with an S goes sss not zzz ♪ ♪ It'’s Z instead of S ♪ ♪ Ly instead of Lee ♪ ♪ It'’s simple as can be ♪ ♪ See, Liza ♪ Oh!

♪ And that is only half of it ♪ ♪ There'’s another way fate treats me cruelly ♪ ♪ How often I remember someone saying ♪ ♪ There she goes, Lisa Minooli ♪ ♪ Or Minoli, or Miniola ♪ ♪ Or Minili, or Minelie ♪ ♪ So is it a wonder, I very often cry ♪ ♪ It'’s M-I-Double N ♪ ♪ Then E-Double L-I ♪ ♪ You double up the N, that'’s nn, not noo ♪ ♪ Then E, double the L, end it with an I ♪ ♪ That'’s the way you say Minnelli ♪ ♪ Liza Minnelli ♪ ♪ It'’s Italian ♪ ♪ Blame it on Papa ♪ ♪ What can I do ♪ ♪ Every Sandra ♪ ♪ Who'’s a Sondra ♪ ♪ Every Mary who'’s really a Marie ♪ ♪ Every Joan ♪ ♪ Who is a Joanne ♪ ♪ Has got to agree with me when I'’ve announced ♪ ♪ I don'’t mind being pommeled ♪ or trampled or trounced ♪ ♪ But it does drive you bats to be Miss ♪ ♪ Mispronounced ♪ ♪ It'’s Liza with a Z not Lisa with an S ♪ ♪ '’Cause Lisa with an S goes sss not zzz ♪ ♪ It'’s Z instead of S ♪ ♪ Ly instead of Lee ♪ ♪ It'’s simple as can be ♪ ♪ See, Liza ♪ ♪ Then M-I-Double N ♪ ♪ Then-E-Double L-I ♪ ♪ You double up the N, that'’s nn, not noo ♪ ♪ Then E, double the L, end it with an I ♪ ♪ That'’s the way you say Minnelli ♪ ♪ Liza Minnelli ♪ ♪ It'’s easy ♪ ♪ It'’s easy ♪ See, it'’s Leezy.

(audience laughing) No!

♪ Liza ♪ (audience applauding) Thank you.

(audience applauding) ♪ ♪ I now pronounce you for the rest of your life ♪ ♪ I now pronounce you ♪ ♪ Man ♪ ♪ And ♪ ♪ Wife ♪ ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ It was a party ♪ ♪ Just to be near you ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ And we believed that it would last forever ♪ ♪ We would stay together ♪ ♪ And share the laughter ♪ ♪ With never ever a morning after ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ It seemed a short time ♪ ♪ But such a good time ♪ ♪ Since you'’re gone and won'’t be mine again ♪ ♪ There are many stars that will not shine again ♪ ♪ Except some time deep in my reverie ♪ ♪ You return and then I remember when ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ It was a party ♪ ♪ Just to be near you ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ And we believed that it would last forever ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Here we go '’round the mulberry bush ♪ ♪ The mulberry bush ♪ ♪ The mulberry bush ♪ ♪ Here we go '’round the mulberry bush ♪ ♪ Early in the morning ♪ ♪ Mama wakes up and she'’s alone ♪ ♪ She'’s alone ♪ ♪ She'’s alone ♪ ♪ Mama wakes up and she'’s alone ♪ ♪ Early in the morning ♪ ♪ Falling down ♪ ♪ Lon ♪ ♪ My fair lady ♪ Yes, she looks a lot like him.

Yes, she does look...

Yes.

♪ My fair lady ♪ ♪ Baby, baby bunting, Daddy'’s gone a-hunting ♪ ♪ Daddy'’s gone ♪ ♪ ♪ Dormez-vous ♪ ♪ Dormez-vous ♪ ♪ Mama will stay near you ♪ ♪ Mama will be near you ♪ ♪ Not your dad ♪ ♪ That'’s too bad ♪ ♪ ♪ Good time ♪ ♪ Goodbye ♪ ♪ Good time ♪ ♪ And I believed ♪ ♪ Ah-hah ♪ ♪ Since you'’ve gone and won'’t be mine again ♪ ♪ There are many stars that will not shine again ♪ ♪ Except some times deep in my reverie ♪ ♪ You return and then I remember when ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ It was a party ♪ ♪ Just to be near you ♪ ♪ It was a good time ♪ ♪ It was the best time ♪ ♪ It seemed a short time ♪ ♪ But such a good time ♪ ♪ A good ♪ ♪ Time ♪ (audience applauding) (audience applauding) (audience ♪pplauding) ♪ ♪ Ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ ♪ Ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ Ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ ♪ I gotcha, ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ You thought I didn't see ya ♪ ♪ Now, didn't ya ♪ ♪ Ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ You tried to sneak by me now ♪ ♪ Didn't ya ♪ ♪ Ah-ha-hah ♪ ♪ Now give me what you promised to me ♪ ♪ Give it to me, come on ♪ ♪ ♪ Promised me the day that you quit your girlfriend ♪ ♪ That I'd be the next one to move on in ♪ ♪ You promised me it would be just us two ♪ ♪ And I'd be the only one kissin' on you ♪ ♪ Kiss me ♪ ♪ Hold it a long time, hold it ♪ ♪ Oh, don't turn me loose now ♪ ♪ Hold it, a little bit longer ♪ ♪ Now hold it, come on, hold it ♪ ♪ Hold it ♪ ♪ Hold it ♪ ♪ Hold it ♪ ♪ Don't be greedy now, get back ♪ ♪ It's all right now ♪ ♪ You made me a promise and you're gonna stick to it ♪ ♪ You shouldn't-a promised if you wasn't gonna do it ♪ ♪ You saw me and ran in another direction ♪ ♪ I'll teach you to play with my affection ♪ ♪ Now give it here ♪ ♪ You never shoulda promised to me ♪ ♪ Give it here ♪ ♪ Don't hold back now, give it here ♪ ♪ Don't say nothin' just give it here, come on ♪ ♪ Give it ♪ ♪ Give it ♪ ♪ Give it ♪ ♪ Give it ♪ ♪ Come on, give it to me ♪ ♪ Wow ♪ ♪ ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ ♪ (audience applauding) (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ Sweet talkin' Jimmy Ray ♪ ♪ Was the son of ♪ ♪ Of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was now ♪ ♪ That man, yeah ♪ ♪ That Jimmy Ray-ay-ay-ay-ay ♪ ♪ Was a preacher man's son ♪ ♪ Yes, he was now ♪ ♪ Jimmy Ray was a preacher's son ♪ ♪ And when his daddy would visit he'd come along ♪ ♪ When they gathered 'round the parlor talkin' ♪ ♪ Cousin Jimmy would take me walkin' ♪ ♪ Through the back woods we'd go walkin' ♪ ♪ Then he'd look into my eyes ♪ ♪ Lord knows, to my surprise ♪ ♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ ♪ Bein' good isn't always easy ♪ ♪ No matter how hard I try ♪ ♪ When he started his sweet-talkin' to me ♪ ♪ He'd come and tell me everything is all right ♪ ♪ Kiss and tell me everything is all right ♪ ♪ Can you get away again tonight ♪ ♪ The only one who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪ ♪ He was the son of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ ♪ How well I remember ♪ ♪ The look that was in his eyes ♪ ♪ Stealin' kisses from me on the sly ♪ ♪ Takin' time to make time ♪ ♪ Make time ♪ ♪ Tellin' me that he's all mine ♪ ♪ All mine ♪ ♪ Learnin' from each other's knowin' ♪ ♪ And watchin' to see how much we've grown ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever reach her ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach her ♪ ♪ He was the sweet talkin' son of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ Ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man ♪ ♪ Yes, he was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever teach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yes ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ He was ♪ ♪ Was ♪ ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ ♪ The only boy who could ever reach me ♪ ♪ Was the son of a preacher man, yeah ♪ (audience applauding) LIZA: Thank you.

(audience applauding) Oh, a handkerchief.

Ah.

(audience applauding) About a year ago, I heard this truly terrific, absolutely true story.

And it just so happens that I told a couple of friends of mine this truly terrific, absolutely true story.

And it just so happened that these friends of mine are song writers.

And guess what happened!

Right, truly terrific, absolutely true song.

♪ ♪ Gather around ♪ ♪ I've got a story to tell ♪ ♪ About a Manhattan lady ♪ ♪ That I know very well ♪ ♪ She lives at 5 Riverside ♪ ♪ Her name is Shirley Devore ♪ ♪ And she traveled 'round the world ♪ ♪ To meet the guy next door ♪ ♪ Well, there was trouble inside apartment 29E ♪ ♪ 'Cause Shirley's mother and dad ♪ ♪ Were as upset as can be ♪ ♪ They said we hate to complain, dear ♪ ♪ And we don't like to grouse ♪ ♪ But you're nearly 32 ♪ ♪ You should get out of the house ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta make 'em sing ♪ ♪ And really ring them bells ♪ ♪ It's such a happy thing to hear 'em ting-a-ling ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ Well, Shirley was 31 ♪ ♪ Which she was loathe to admit ♪ ♪ And she had never been loved ♪ ♪ Which didn't thrill her a bit ♪ ♪ And so she sat and she thought ♪ ♪ She thought for hours on end ♪ ♪ And said I'll go to Chase, Manhattan ♪ ♪ Where I got me a friend ♪ ♪ And so she borrowed a thou' and called TWA ♪ ♪ And told her mother and dad ♪ ♪ That she was up and away ♪ ♪ I'm gonna travel the continent ♪ ♪ A month, maybe two ♪ ♪ And haul me home a hus' ♪ ♪ If it's the last thing I do ♪ (Liza chuckles) (audience laughing) ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta make 'em sing ♪ ♪ And really ring them bells ♪ ♪ It's such a happy thing to hear 'em ting-a-ling ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ ♪ She met a Londoner first ♪ ♪ But they did not hit it off ♪ ♪ 'Cause every time she approached ♪ ♪ He got a bronchial cough ♪ ♪ And so she went to Madrid and met a handsome señor ♪ ♪ But he like to throw the bull ♪ ♪ And he was no matador ♪ ♪ She also bombed out in Brussels ♪ ♪ In Mallorca and Rome ♪ ♪ 'Till someone said ♪ ♪ Try Dubrovnik, dear, before you go home ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's the kind of a town ♪ ♪ Where you'll be likely to fall ♪ ♪ And all the toni cognoscenti ♪ ♪ Find the Balkans a ball ♪ (bell rings) ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ You gotta make 'em sing ♪ ♪ And really ring them bells ♪ ♪ It's such a happy thing to hear 'em ting-a-ling ♪ ♪ You gotta ring them bells ♪ ♪ ♪ And so she went to Dubrovnik ♪ ♪ And the very first day ♪ ♪ She met a guy on the beach ♪ ♪ Who took her reason away ♪ ♪ Yes, it was love at first sight ♪ ♪ And quite a beautiful scene ♪ ♪ She said my name is Shirl Devore ♪ ♪ He said I'm Norm Saperstein ♪ ♪ She said are you from New York ♪ ♪ He said that can't be denied ♪ ♪ I've got a swell junior three ♪ ♪ At number 5 Riverside ♪ (audience laughing) 5?

5 Riverside Drive in New York?

That's where I live.

5?

Are you sure?

♪ As if that wasn't enough ♪ ♪ For Shirley thought she'd gone deaf ♪ ♪ When he told her his apartment there was 29F ♪ (bells ringing) (audience applauding) ♪ Yes, she was E, he was F ♪ ♪ And they had not even met ♪ ♪ Until she traveled the world to Yugoslavia yet ♪ ♪ He'd always been right next door ♪ ♪ And she would never have known ♪ ♪ If she hadn't tried Dubrovnik ♪ ♪ She might still be alone ♪ ♪ Well ♪ ♪ There's ♪ ♪ A ♪ ♪ Moral to learn from little Shirley Devore ♪ ♪ Who had to borrow a thou' to find a lover next door ♪ ♪ You girls who live in apartments ♪ ♪ Don't just stare at the wall ♪ ♪ Open up the door and hurry out in the hall ♪ ♪ And ♪ ♪ Oh, ring them bells ♪ ♪ Come on, come on, ring them bells ♪ ♪ Make 'em sing ♪ ♪ You'd better ring the bells ♪ ♪ It's such a happy thing to hear 'em ting-a-ling ♪ ♪ You gotta swing them ♪ ♪ Ring them ♪ ♪ Swing them ♪ ♪ Ring ♪ ♪ Them ♪ ♪ Bells ♪ (audience applauding) (audience applauding) ♪ (fingers snapping) ♪ ♪ Pack up all my care and woe ♪ ♪ Here I go swingin' low ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ Bye ♪ ♪ Bye ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Where somebody waits for me ♪ ♪ Sugar's sweet ♪ ♪ So is she ♪ ♪ Bye ♪ ♪ Bye ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ No one here can love or understand me ♪ ♪ Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me ♪ ♪ Make my bed and light the light ♪ ♪ I'll be home late tonight ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Bye-Bye ♪ ♪ ♪ Pack up all my care and woe ♪ ♪ Here I go swingin' low ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Too-too-too-too-too-too ♪ ♪ Where somebody waits for me ♪ ♪ Sugar's sweet ♪ ♪ So is she ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Too-too-too-too-too-too ♪ ♪ No one here can love or understand me ♪ ♪ Ah-hah-hah ♪ ♪ Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me ♪ ♪ Ah-hah-hah ♪ ♪ Make my bed and light the light ♪ ♪ I'll be home late tonight ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ ♪ (fingers snapping) (sychronized hand claps) ♪ ♪ Make my bed and light the light ♪ ♪ I'll be home late tonight ♪ ♪ Leave your perch and take the sky ♪ ♪ Too-da-loo ♪ ♪ Farewell ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Go take a fly, oh, little blackbird, bye ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ Make my bed and light the light ♪ ♪ I'll be home late tonight ♪ ♪ Blackbird ♪ ♪ Bye-bye ♪ (audience applauding) (Liza chuckles) LIZA: Yeah.

(audience applauding) Thank you.

Oh!

You know, one of the hardest things to do when you're doing something like this is to find a new love song to sing because they're almost always about one of three different things, right?

They're either the guy meets the girl, or the guy loses the girl, or the guy gets the girl.

Well, I found this song and it isn't about any of those three things.

This song is about two people who've already known each other for quite a while.

♪ So we're alone again tonight ♪ ♪ I read a book ♪ ♪ You watch the fight ♪ ♪ A stifled yawn ♪ ♪ A can of beer ♪ ♪ What an enthralling atmosphere ♪ ♪ And yet the sight of us this way ♪ ♪ Helps me to say what I must say ♪ ♪ It helps me to think a thought or two ♪ ♪ To pass it right along to you ♪ ♪ And just for starters you should know, I think ♪ ♪ You've let yourself go ♪ (audience laughing) ♪ Down through the years, each sage repeats ♪ ♪ Grass never grows on busy streets ♪ ♪ Which might explain that balding spot ♪ ♪ Were you a thinker, which you're not ♪ ♪ And where's that slender youth I knew ♪ ♪ I fear he's grown an inch or two ♪ ♪ Not up and down my joy and pride ♪ ♪ But more precisely side to side ♪ ♪ When at a party, now and then ♪ ♪ You tell the same old jokes again ♪ ♪ Or wear a lampshade for a hat ♪ ♪ Who could be wittier than that ♪ ♪ With one too many you just might ♪ ♪ Pick some unnecessary fight ♪ ♪ Though in the morning with the sun ♪ ♪ You can't remember what you've done ♪ ♪ If there's regret, it doesn't show ♪ ♪ You know, you've let yourself go ♪ ♪ You never care the way you dress ♪ ♪ You stay unshaven, you look a mess ♪ ♪ The smallest thing is too much to do ♪ ♪ I even hold the door for you ♪ ♪ And every rose upon the shelf ♪ ♪ Is one that I've supplied myself ♪ ♪ It's not the same, I'm well aware ♪ ♪ Yet I need to see them there ♪ ♪ I don't know why I say it now ♪ ♪ Why I don't hold my tongue somehow ♪ ♪ But of this, I need to tell it all ♪ ♪ No matter where the chips may fall ♪ ♪ For as I sit and reminisce ♪ ♪ There are so many things I miss ♪ ♪ The reassurance of your touch ♪ ♪ The gentle smile that said so much ♪ ♪ You were my tender, thoughtful beau ♪ ♪ I couldn't hate you if I tried ♪ ♪ And I still want you by my side ♪ ♪ We oughta lay things on the line ♪ ♪ Perhaps the fault is really mine ♪ ♪ And if it is, please tell me so ♪ ♪ A seed replanted still can grow ♪ ♪ Maybe that's all we need to know ♪ ♪ Come close to me and ♪ ♪ Let yourself ♪ ♪ Go ♪ (audience applauding) (drums rolling) (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ Willkommen ♪ ♪ Bienvenue ♪ ♪ Welcome ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ Fremde ♪ ♪ Etranger ♪ ♪ Stranger ♪ ♪ Glucklich zu sehen ♪ ♪ Je suis enchanté ♪ ♪ Happy to see you ♪ ♪ Bleibe, reste, stay, wir sagen ♪ ♪ Willkommen ♪ ♪ Bienvenue ♪ ♪ Welcome ♪ ♪ In Cabaret ♪ ♪ Au Cabaret ♪ ♪ To Cabaret ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ How the world can change ♪ ♪ It can change like that ♪ ♪ Due to one little word, married ♪ ♪ See a palace rise ♪ ♪ From a two-room flat ♪ ♪ Due to one little word, married ♪ ♪ Und das grau in grau ♪ ♪ Wird auf einmal blau ♪ ♪ Wie noch kein blau jemals war ♪ ♪ For you wake one day ♪ ♪ Look around and say ♪ ♪ Somebody wonderful married me ♪ ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money makes the world go around ♪ ♪ The world go around ♪ ♪ The world go around ♪ ♪ Money makes the go around ♪ ♪ Of that we're really sure ♪ ♪ On being poor ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ When you haven't any coal in the stove ♪ ♪ And you freeze in the winter ♪ ♪ And you curse to the wind at your fate ♪ ♪ When you haven't any shoes on your feet ♪ ♪ Your coat's thin as paper ♪ ♪ And you look 30 pounds underweight ♪ ♪ When you go to get a word of advice ♪ ♪ From the fat little pastor ♪ ♪ He will tell you to love evermore ♪ ♪ But when hunger comes a rap, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat ♪ ♪ At the window ♪ ♪ See our love flies out the door ♪ ♪ Money makes the world go around ♪ ♪ The world go around ♪ ♪ The world ♪ ♪ Money makes the world go around ♪ ♪ The clinking-clanking sound of ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ Get a little, get a little ♪ ♪ Money, money, money, money ♪ ♪ A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound ♪ ♪ That clinking-clanking, clanking sound ♪ ♪ Is all that makes the world go around ♪ ♪ It makes the world go around ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ ♪ Money, money, money ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ Maybe this time ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ I'll be lucky ♪ ♪ Maybe this time he'll stay ♪ ♪ Maybe this time ♪ ♪ For the first time ♪ ♪ Love won't hurry away ♪ ♪ He will hold me fast ♪ ♪ I'll be home at last ♪ ♪ Not a loser anymore ♪ ♪ Like the last time and the time before ♪ ♪ Everybody ♪ ♪ Loves a winner ♪ ♪ So nobody loved me ♪ ♪ Lady Peaceful ♪ ♪ Lady Happy ♪ ♪ That's what I long to be ♪ ♪ Well, all the odds are ♪ ♪ In my favor ♪ ♪ Something's bound to begin ♪ ♪ It's gotta happen ♪ ♪ Happen sometime ♪ ♪ Maybe this time I'll win ♪ ♪ 'Cause everybody ♪ ♪ Oh, they love a winner ♪ ♪ So nobody loved me ♪ ♪ Lady Peaceful ♪ ♪ Lady Happy ♪ ♪ That's what I long to be ♪ ♪ Well, all the odds are in my favor ♪ ♪ Something's bound to begin ♪ ♪ It's gotta happen ♪ ♪ Happen sometime ♪ ♪ Maybe this time ♪ ♪ Maybe this time I'll win ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ (Liza chuckles) ♪ ♪ What good is sitting alone in your room ♪ ♪ Oh, come hear the music play ♪ ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ Come to the cabaret ♪ ♪ Put down the knitting, the book and the broom ♪ ♪ It's time for a holiday ♪ ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ So come to the cabaret ♪ ♪ Come taste the wine ♪ ♪ Come hear the band ♪ ♪ Come blow that horn ♪ ♪ Start celebrating right this way ♪ ♪ Your table's waiting ♪ ♪ What good's permitting some prophet of doom ♪ ♪ To wipe every smile away ♪ ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ So come to the cabaret ♪ ♪ I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie ♪ ♪ With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea ♪ ♪ She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower ♪ ♪ As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour ♪ ♪ The day she died the neighbors came to snicker ♪ ♪ Well, that's what comes from ♪ ♪ Too much bills and liquor ♪ ♪ But when I saw her laid out like a queen ♪ ♪ She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen ♪ ♪ I think of Elsie to this very day ♪ ♪ I remember how she'd turn to me and say ♪ ♪ What good is sitting all alone in your room ♪ ♪ Come hear the music play ♪ ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ Come to the cabaret ♪ ♪ And as for me, ha ♪ ♪ And as for me ♪ ♪ I made my mind up back in Chelsea ♪ ♪ When I go ♪ ♪ I'm going like Elsie ♪ ♪ Start by admitting from cradle to tomb ♪ ♪ Isn't that long a stay ♪ ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ It's only a cabaret, old chum ♪ ♪ And I love a cabaret ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (audience applauding) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪